Humbled

Humbled. That's me. Once again, God has completely knocked my socks off. After finding this blog entry about when Malozie first came to GLA, I left a comment for the lady who wrote it. Susan, the blog author, was the NICU nurse who cared for our baby.

Yesterday, Susan friended me on Facebook. Today, she sent me a message and included another blog entry that I remember reading back in January when she wrote it (I had been following her blog for a while). I remember the baby who died. I remember weeping as I read the story. I remember reading about the "after baby", but never knew she would be ours.

We knew our Grace came to GLA in fragile condition. We knew she was starving. But, today, God allowed me to see the actual state of her little body. She was truly on the brink of death. Her tiny five pound body was eating itself. Reading these words about your child will bring you to your knees:

"her chances of survival are extremely poor"

That was our girl. Our bright, smiley, chubby girl---by all medical standards, she should not have survived her rough beginning. Today God revealed to me through her story that she truly is a MIRACLE child and that it is only by His GRACE that she lives today. Grace. A perfect name for her. God gave us her name years ago. We just never imagined how fitting it would be.

When Grace came to GLA, she was 6 weeks old and had a protein-energy deficiency. The medical term is Kwashiorkor. Even though she looked chubby, it was just swelling---very dangerous swelling. I have no doubt that God used the previous baby's death---Wideline was her name---to give Susan the wisdom she needed to save our girl. 

Grace had been spoon-fed porridge for the first 6 weeks of her life. Our sweet girl was starving, to say the least. If you would like to read the whole story of God revealing Grace's trouble to Susan, you can click here---grab some Kleenex first.

I have thought a lot about Mary today. When the angel Gabriel visited her and told her she would be the mother of Jesus, I believe Mary was as surprised as I feel right now. This is part of her song:

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord     

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.

"The humble state of his servant". Mary. I get that. Mary was worthy to be Jesus' mother. God looked down from Heaven and chose her. But, ME? Why has He looked down from Heaven in all of His gracious wisdom and chosen me to be the mother of this sweet miracle we call Grace? I am not worthy. These thoughts have consumed me and brought me to tears all day long. Grace's life was on the line less than a year ago. God could have easily taken her into His perfect Heaven. He could've chosen to heal her that way. But he didn't. He saw her fragile state, he knew she'd be a McCraw, and He gave Susan the wisdom she needed to bring Grace back from the brink of death. 

I will continue to praise Him and I will continue to stand humbled. Humbled at a Mighty God who chose me--chose US to parent His miracle child. Also beyond thankful for his servant, Susan.

And I can't wait to tell Grace of God's amazing grace in her life!